God have mercy on anybody who places their coats on the seats that make Elmo have to walk to the next table! You are hereby warned!
Is it because they are fat, I mean they are more than fat, they are ROTUND, and they are rude and steal the table that we usually sit in! I mean if they were in a cartoon, they would be used as basketballs!
Not only that, they are U G L Y, I do not take milk because it would curdle as I pass their table to get to my table. We like the table by the window so we suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous Hausfraus!
Last week there was a table of about eight Hausfraus, the funny thing is that one was skinny. They did have one thing in common, their faces were used by Animal Control to rid the fabled town of Hamlin of rats and mice. Also, the firemen out west fighting brush fires thank them for the use of their faces for stamping out the fires. Can you imagine the fear the fire had seeing that face swoop down on it before it was put out? Oh, shivers go down my spine.
Back to the skinny Hausfrau, They were playing some kind of card game. I did not want to look for more than a second because this was an all you can eat buffet, and I wanted to eat as much as I could stuff in my tummy tum tum.
Why would water tower shaped Hausfraus want to be with a skinny Hausfrau? Could it be that when they walk out, they ALL LOOK ROTUND! Could it be that they fill up the coat of the skinny Hausfrau with food and walk out unsuspected. Could it be that they later meet at designated spot and devour the booty!
A minute ago I was pretty hungry, but now that I am thinking of those Hausfraus, my stomach feels kind of queasy.
What a great diet solution!
I can imagine hearing the buffets new jingle: "if you want to be skinny for the rest of your life, eat at the buffet with the Ugly Hausfraus...
The only problem I see are the mirrors on the floor at the exit to stop the food pilferage!
Friday, February 24, 2006
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Autistic Teen's Hoop Dreams Come True | I Was Your Age Twice
Autistic Teen's Hoop Dreams Come True | I Was Your Age Twice
I'm on a roll heh... what an inspiration.
Caio Corpsters
I'm on a roll heh... what an inspiration.
Caio Corpsters
Phone Etiquette for the Complete Jerk
Yep I felt as though its time to revisit this topic.
Well what started this all off was creating plans to do something. Now, that's huge cuz if you hadn't guessed it, heard me whine about it, or some other third way; I don't get out of the house much.
Well apparently said jerk didn't tell me she had a Saturday class til 2 pm. When one person says lunch i think of the time between 11 am and 1 pm. In that 2 hour timeframe there's plenty of time to inform said alternate party to when they wish to lunch. Hearing no official time 2 pm came around and I decided to go eat. Soon after I received a phone call. At said point I said I made other plans for lunch and would postpone them. She said she'd talk to the other parties involved and get back to me.
That was 3 weeks ago. No calls back yet.
Also to this fact I was compared to a baby in such that I had to get feed on a regular schedule. Well to that fact I say Kelly you're a meanie.
If you're inconsiderate enough not to make definite and plans other plans will be made in their stead. Grow up the world doesn't revolve around you. No wonder you are stuck with a loser boyfriend you keep going back to because any sane person would know you're no catch. Thus the reason I refused to date you.
There that feels so much better mwahahahaha
Caio Corpsters
Well what started this all off was creating plans to do something. Now, that's huge cuz if you hadn't guessed it, heard me whine about it, or some other third way; I don't get out of the house much.
Well apparently said jerk didn't tell me she had a Saturday class til 2 pm. When one person says lunch i think of the time between 11 am and 1 pm. In that 2 hour timeframe there's plenty of time to inform said alternate party to when they wish to lunch. Hearing no official time 2 pm came around and I decided to go eat. Soon after I received a phone call. At said point I said I made other plans for lunch and would postpone them. She said she'd talk to the other parties involved and get back to me.
That was 3 weeks ago. No calls back yet.
Also to this fact I was compared to a baby in such that I had to get feed on a regular schedule. Well to that fact I say Kelly you're a meanie.
If you're inconsiderate enough not to make definite and plans other plans will be made in their stead. Grow up the world doesn't revolve around you. No wonder you are stuck with a loser boyfriend you keep going back to because any sane person would know you're no catch. Thus the reason I refused to date you.
There that feels so much better mwahahahaha
Caio Corpsters
Olympic Disadvantage
Huzzah!!! Post number 60!! Yay me!!!
Ok right into my headline story... The Olympic Disadvantage. Many people start training for the olympics at a real young age. Think like 3, and we'll say they get into gymnastics or ice skating. You pick your least hated olympics. They then spend every waking minute either practicing, think about practicing, or learning impossible jargon nobody else can understand.
They spend 15 years of their life learning nothing they could possibly use in regular life only to fall on their ass come their big performance. What's left of their life? They wasted it for a piece of metal that in a couple years nobody cares about.
Warning to my female readers... the following statement is of low-brow wrestling please skip to the next paragraph. To D-von I mean seriously, who cares who many medals Kurt Angle has? The guy is hated. How many times outside of WWE do people talk about his gold medals? None. But at least he did find a full time job to use the skills he learned.
How many jobs are out there for figure skaters? Diz-nee on ice? Coach? Sports special correspondant? That's bout it. Quite a losing hand if ya ask me. Is the time and money spent on learning this "skill" worth the effort and the investment? I doubt it.
Do I even enjoy watching ice skating? What's more annoying than the flamboyant outfits they wear? The fact that backflips are only done by Scott Hamilton. I jump in and out on rare occassions hoping to see them... as posted before... fall on their asses.
Caio 'Corpsters
Ok right into my headline story... The Olympic Disadvantage. Many people start training for the olympics at a real young age. Think like 3, and we'll say they get into gymnastics or ice skating. You pick your least hated olympics. They then spend every waking minute either practicing, think about practicing, or learning impossible jargon nobody else can understand.
They spend 15 years of their life learning nothing they could possibly use in regular life only to fall on their ass come their big performance. What's left of their life? They wasted it for a piece of metal that in a couple years nobody cares about.
Warning to my female readers... the following statement is of low-brow wrestling please skip to the next paragraph. To D-von I mean seriously, who cares who many medals Kurt Angle has? The guy is hated. How many times outside of WWE do people talk about his gold medals? None. But at least he did find a full time job to use the skills he learned.
How many jobs are out there for figure skaters? Diz-nee on ice? Coach? Sports special correspondant? That's bout it. Quite a losing hand if ya ask me. Is the time and money spent on learning this "skill" worth the effort and the investment? I doubt it.
Do I even enjoy watching ice skating? What's more annoying than the flamboyant outfits they wear? The fact that backflips are only done by Scott Hamilton. I jump in and out on rare occassions hoping to see them... as posted before... fall on their asses.
Caio 'Corpsters
Monday, February 20, 2006
Since when do they officially let you leave early?
According to the university rules, if a professor hadn't arrived to a class by 15 minutes past the hour, the class was considered canceled for the day and the students were free to leave — with no penalties for missing a class.
Mounted over the chalkboard of each classroom was a type of wall clock that jumped ahead each minute, in a very noticeable fashion. These clocks were also not constructed in the most sophisticated manner. An enterprising student learned (it's always good to learn things at college) that if you hit the clock with a chalkboard eraser, the clock would jump ahead 1 minute.
So, in a class where the professor wasn't precisely punctual and his students considered him absent-minded, almost daily these students took target practice at the room's clock. A few well aimed erasers, and 15 minutes quickly passed on the clock, and the class dismissed itself.
When the day for the next exam rolled around, the professor strolled into the room on time, passed out the exams, and told class, "You have one hour to complete this test."
The professor collected the erasers from around the room, and gleefully began taking aim at the clock. Within 10 minutes he had successfully jumped the clock forward one hour. "Time's up!
Mounted over the chalkboard of each classroom was a type of wall clock that jumped ahead each minute, in a very noticeable fashion. These clocks were also not constructed in the most sophisticated manner. An enterprising student learned (it's always good to learn things at college) that if you hit the clock with a chalkboard eraser, the clock would jump ahead 1 minute.
So, in a class where the professor wasn't precisely punctual and his students considered him absent-minded, almost daily these students took target practice at the room's clock. A few well aimed erasers, and 15 minutes quickly passed on the clock, and the class dismissed itself.
When the day for the next exam rolled around, the professor strolled into the room on time, passed out the exams, and told class, "You have one hour to complete this test."
The professor collected the erasers from around the room, and gleefully began taking aim at the clock. Within 10 minutes he had successfully jumped the clock forward one hour. "Time's up!
Win-doze Haiku
I make no claim to writing these but the writer remained anonymous... enjoy!
-------------------------------------------------
In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft
Error messages with Haiku poetry messages.Haiku poetry has strict
construction rules. Each poem has only three lines, 17 syllables:
five syllables in the first line, seven in the second, five in the
third.
Haikus are used to communicate a timeless message often
achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through
extreme brevity - the essence of Zen:
>> > Your file was so big.
>> > It might be very useful.
>> > But now it is gone.
>> > The Web site you seek
>> > Cannot be located,
>> > but Countless more exist.
>> > Chaos reigns within.
>> > Reflect, repent, and reboot.
>> > Order shall return.
>> > Program aborting:
>> > Close all that you have worked on.
>> > You ask far too much.
>> > Windows NT crashed.
>> > I am the Blue Screen of Death.
>> > No one hears your screams.
>> > Yesterday it worked.
>> > Today it is not working.
>> > Windows is like that.
>> > First snow, then silence.
>> > This thousand-dollar screen dies
>> > So beautifully.
>> > The Tao that is seen
>> > Is not the true Tao-until
>> > You bring fresh toner.
>> > Stay the patient course.
>> > Of little worth is your ire.
>> > The network is down.
>> > A crash reduces
>> > Your expensive computer
>> > To a simple stone.
>> > Three things are certain:
>> > Death, taxes and lost data.
>> > Guess which has occurred.
>> > You step in the stream,
>> > But the water has moved on.
>> > This page is not here.
>> > Out of memory.
>> > We wish to hold the whole sky,
>> > But we never will.
>> > Having been erased,
>> > The document you're seeking
>> > Must now be retyped.
>> > Serious error.
>> > All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen.
>> > Mind. Both are blank.
Originally found here.
-------------------------------------------------
In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft
Error messages with Haiku poetry messages.Haiku poetry has strict
construction rules. Each poem has only three lines, 17 syllables:
five syllables in the first line, seven in the second, five in the
third.
Haikus are used to communicate a timeless message often
achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through
extreme brevity - the essence of Zen:
>> > Your file was so big.
>> > It might be very useful.
>> > But now it is gone.
>> > The Web site you seek
>> > Cannot be located,
>> > but Countless more exist.
>> > Chaos reigns within.
>> > Reflect, repent, and reboot.
>> > Order shall return.
>> > Program aborting:
>> > Close all that you have worked on.
>> > You ask far too much.
>> > Windows NT crashed.
>> > I am the Blue Screen of Death.
>> > No one hears your screams.
>> > Yesterday it worked.
>> > Today it is not working.
>> > Windows is like that.
>> > First snow, then silence.
>> > This thousand-dollar screen dies
>> > So beautifully.
>> > The Tao that is seen
>> > Is not the true Tao-until
>> > You bring fresh toner.
>> > Stay the patient course.
>> > Of little worth is your ire.
>> > The network is down.
>> > A crash reduces
>> > Your expensive computer
>> > To a simple stone.
>> > Three things are certain:
>> > Death, taxes and lost data.
>> > Guess which has occurred.
>> > You step in the stream,
>> > But the water has moved on.
>> > This page is not here.
>> > Out of memory.
>> > We wish to hold the whole sky,
>> > But we never will.
>> > Having been erased,
>> > The document you're seeking
>> > Must now be retyped.
>> > Serious error.
>> > All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen.
>> > Mind. Both are blank.
Originally found here.
Friday, February 17, 2006
This is not good
Hey all I come bearing bad news of many sorts...
1. The Olympics are ruining all those who enjoy NBC programming.
2. H&R Block no longer lets you do your taxes online for free.
3. They finally Basset trained me so no more annoying "21 on register threeve"
4. I found out eleventy is actually a number.
But there is good news...
1. NBC programming stinks anyways.
2. I can still do the boring paperwork for free.
3. The novelty of ringing up alcohol is awesome.
4. Nobody really uses eleventy.
But there is more bad news...
1. Conan and Leno are both on NBC and those shows rock.
2. Paperwork is boring.
3. Novelty feelings towards new stuff goes away rather quickly.
4. Using eleventy confuses people and a confused person is an annoying person.
Life lesson... everything has a good side and a bad side. Its up to you to decide if it bugs you or not.
Caio 'Corpsters
1. The Olympics are ruining all those who enjoy NBC programming.
2. H&R Block no longer lets you do your taxes online for free.
3. They finally Basset trained me so no more annoying "21 on register threeve"
4. I found out eleventy is actually a number.
But there is good news...
1. NBC programming stinks anyways.
2. I can still do the boring paperwork for free.
3. The novelty of ringing up alcohol is awesome.
4. Nobody really uses eleventy.
But there is more bad news...
1. Conan and Leno are both on NBC and those shows rock.
2. Paperwork is boring.
3. Novelty feelings towards new stuff goes away rather quickly.
4. Using eleventy confuses people and a confused person is an annoying person.
Life lesson... everything has a good side and a bad side. Its up to you to decide if it bugs you or not.
Caio 'Corpsters
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Check out PBwiki!
Hey all. You all gotta check out PBwiki. Its a great way to... make a wiki. Why let wikipedia get all the glory? Make it all about you. Its insultingly easy to create and a great way to have your own slice on the web. Plus its the right price... free! Free!!! Glorious free!!! I know I don't usually advertise for anybody but hey if it works why not?
Though I must admit it is hard to get a wiki off the ground. You stare at the blank page and wonder... hmmm... I wonder what I should add to this. Well that's just half the fun! Tear it up and make me proud :)
Caio 'Corpsters
Monday, February 13, 2006
Whipped Day is Here!
Yes folks Hell's Mark and Herkey's Chocolates favorite time of the year is here. Herby called V-day. Now I'm all for showing affections to the special somebody in your life but for that fact that you have to have a special day to do it is stupid. That's what Anniversaries are for anyways.
Walk into any store and you'll be bobarded with pictures of roses, candy, and of course plenty of jewelry. You won't be able to get food at any decent... erm i mean expensive restaurants. And the fast food places you'll here plenty of grousing and nagging that the cheapskate couldn't afford lobbster cuz the poor guy spent his last dimes on bling for the primadonna. Of course this brings up a perfect opportunity to insult one of my generation's stupidest trends... The Promise Ring. Now jewelry is not inherently evil. Though the idea of shiney rocks in shiney metal just doesn't seem very romantic if you ask me. But I concur sure its rare and there's nothing wrong about that. Commitment is great and that's what Wedding Rings and to a much lesser extent engagement rings are for.
What are promise ring's purpose? Well I guess its some sort of pre-engagement. Kinda as dumb to me as 18 year olds getting married. What in the world do they know of love? Its just a way to shame a guy into spending money that should be going to college (or... umm... car insurance) on a stupid ring that means diddily squat. I guess its just a primadonna contest to brag to her dateless (sometimes ugly) friends and rub it in their faces that just because they don't have boyfriends means they are of lesser importance than them.
But nobody that is engaged or married is off the hook in my book. Ha that rhymed. Being a dateless wonder is great on a time like this. Poor chumps having to spend money on crap that'll be dead or eaten within a week.
Caio Corpsters
Walk into any store and you'll be bobarded with pictures of roses, candy, and of course plenty of jewelry. You won't be able to get food at any decent... erm i mean expensive restaurants. And the fast food places you'll here plenty of grousing and nagging that the cheapskate couldn't afford lobbster cuz the poor guy spent his last dimes on bling for the primadonna. Of course this brings up a perfect opportunity to insult one of my generation's stupidest trends... The Promise Ring. Now jewelry is not inherently evil. Though the idea of shiney rocks in shiney metal just doesn't seem very romantic if you ask me. But I concur sure its rare and there's nothing wrong about that. Commitment is great and that's what Wedding Rings and to a much lesser extent engagement rings are for.
What are promise ring's purpose? Well I guess its some sort of pre-engagement. Kinda as dumb to me as 18 year olds getting married. What in the world do they know of love? Its just a way to shame a guy into spending money that should be going to college (or... umm... car insurance) on a stupid ring that means diddily squat. I guess its just a primadonna contest to brag to her dateless (sometimes ugly) friends and rub it in their faces that just because they don't have boyfriends means they are of lesser importance than them.
But nobody that is engaged or married is off the hook in my book. Ha that rhymed. Being a dateless wonder is great on a time like this. Poor chumps having to spend money on crap that'll be dead or eaten within a week.
Caio Corpsters
Sunday, February 12, 2006
zenrockoutkast: Olympic Sized Pain in the Ass
I hate the Olympics and would make a long windless arguement to that fact but D-von beat me to it.
zenrockoutkast: Olympic Sized Pain in the Ass
But don't worry folks... Whipped Day is two days away and I will bitch completely on this.
Caio Corpsters
zenrockoutkast: Olympic Sized Pain in the Ass
But don't worry folks... Whipped Day is two days away and I will bitch completely on this.
Caio Corpsters
Thursday, February 9, 2006
Phone Etiquette for the Complete Noobe
Apparently a person in our midst, who shall remain nameless, has no idea on basic phone etiquette. How about that? An appropriate title for once. Also spelling noob what an extra 'e' makes it sound extra classy, not that it wasn't classy before. :)
So yes, when one says "I'll call you back" the other person assumes that one would, regardless of the preceeding converstion, that they would call back. My parents (read mother) were enfuriated and I couldn't care less. But on a nicer side, I'd like to warn... erm... inform, yes... inform you that SnappyFunkyTime has and will make major contributions to my website. You should be thrilled.
Ah yes, I would have updated that but I found a old treasure-trove of old poetry. Yeah, I'd have included my mentor's stuff, but he's too cool to care. He'd probably let me post the stuff, but then again it's my site, don't like it by my merchandise* and burn it in protest. That'll teach me!
*NOTE TO THE READER: MERCHANDISE NOT YET AVAILABLE... CREATE YOUR OWN UNTIL THEN BUT SEND LARGE ROYALTY CHECKS/CHEQUES.
Also I'm excited to inform you that I've found the last surviving complete copy of my village-famous epic poem: "Hail to the Garbage Man." It was conceived by my father and the first stanza is directly his. From then it has been turned in 6 some years for muliple classes. Slowly it evolved and matured from its infantile 12 to its manly well-endowed 27 verses. I can only hope one day my children will use that poem to turn into teachers on multiple occassions and do as multiple speeches. Its not plagarism if I let 'em. (ie you're not allowed no stealing please.) One day it'll find its way to my website.
Caio 'Corpsters
So yes, when one says "I'll call you back" the other person assumes that one would, regardless of the preceeding converstion, that they would call back. My parents (read mother) were enfuriated and I couldn't care less. But on a nicer side, I'd like to warn... erm... inform, yes... inform you that SnappyFunkyTime has and will make major contributions to my website. You should be thrilled.
Ah yes, I would have updated that but I found a old treasure-trove of old poetry. Yeah, I'd have included my mentor's stuff, but he's too cool to care. He'd probably let me post the stuff, but then again it's my site, don't like it by my merchandise* and burn it in protest. That'll teach me!
*NOTE TO THE READER: MERCHANDISE NOT YET AVAILABLE... CREATE YOUR OWN UNTIL THEN BUT SEND LARGE ROYALTY CHECKS/CHEQUES.
Also I'm excited to inform you that I've found the last surviving complete copy of my village-famous epic poem: "Hail to the Garbage Man." It was conceived by my father and the first stanza is directly his. From then it has been turned in 6 some years for muliple classes. Slowly it evolved and matured from its infantile 12 to its manly well-endowed 27 verses. I can only hope one day my children will use that poem to turn into teachers on multiple occassions and do as multiple speeches. Its not plagarism if I let 'em. (ie you're not allowed no stealing please.) One day it'll find its way to my website.
Caio 'Corpsters
Thursday, February 2, 2006
VIRUS ALERT!!! W32/MyWife.d@MM!M24
W32/MyWife.d@MM!M24
This dreaded virus will strike tomorrow. Make sure your antivirus is updated. (Or download one real soon like if you don't have one.) If it is you have little to worry about. Also its a good opportunity to remind you if an email has the word sex in it... don't open it.
Duh.
Caio Corpsters
This dreaded virus will strike tomorrow. Make sure your antivirus is updated. (Or download one real soon like if you don't have one.) If it is you have little to worry about. Also its a good opportunity to remind you if an email has the word sex in it... don't open it.
Duh.
Caio Corpsters
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