Guentherspeak

In honor of my 75th blog I will post the rest in Guentherspeak! I am doing so because it upsets people horrifically. Browse guenthercorp's homepage to locate the key. Beyond that you're on your own. People got all upset at me yesterday for doing so on that cult that is myspace. So without further ado...

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Jule-Oska Pay by Touch Scam

If you didn't get it by now, when I gripe about specific businesses, for all intents and purposes change the name so I don't get sued for libel.

Today's gripe is about my employer. They're trying to win a stupid regional competition by having the most employees sign up for pay by touch. The winner gets an ice cream social.

That in itself isn't offensive. Thinking about the pieces of this, I made a few conclusions.

1. The main person they're trying to bribe to join, aka high schoolers, usually don't have checking accounts.

2. Most people are of conparable age to mine aren't easy bribed by ice cream. Especially when Jule-Oska shindigs mean the people lucky enough to be on break when food is served eat all the food that's enough for everyone. Meaning you have a 10% chance of getting said prize.

3. Why are they so interested in a program that doesn't seem to financially help them? It seems to only lose money on.

So that's why I won't be signing up for Pay by Touchey and I advise you all to do likewise. Use a cred card and build your credit. You'll be better off for it.

Ciao 'Corpsters

A Vote for Democracy

Primary Elections were today, did you vote?

I did. Regardless of whom you voted for, the point of voting is to, gasp, vote. Itt's your civic duty to do so. And, if you do vote, and the person you don't isn't elected you get full right to complain and whine about it.

If you didn't vote and you don't like who took office, I have but one thing to say about that. What other system of government do people not get a chance to vote? That's right. Communism. A vote for not voting is a vote for communism.

You make me sick.
Ciao 'Corpsters

So... You Like Cheap Gas, eh!

Buzzards and Crawdads are fine eating... if it is free! Who would pay to eat a creature that devours the waste products of anything that falls to the bottom of the stinkhole!

You get what you pay for but nobody wants to be gouged by a dufus with greasy hands! Do you think a stin'ken gas station is going to give somebody a good deal? Of course they will, but a sucker is born every minute and the good deal most time goes to the gas station with the foresight to add disclaimers to the price on the sign! Us Nomads in Search of Cheap Gas almost have to have a lawyer deciphering the price at each station!!!

I like cheap gas, but I am not going to use 2 gallons of gas trying to save 2 cents per gallon on gas!

Last Friday I was driving my Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong Yellow Ride and saw gas at least 10 cents cheaper than where I normally drive. A big pain in the butt! This was about one gallon of gas away!

What am I getting at? Just put a couple of buckaroos of gas in your tank every couple of days and be happy and wait until you find a cheap station which will make it worth the wait.

Most times you will only put gas in when you riding on the fumes.

You like cheap gas, who doesn't. It is a vanishing commodity. You will always see it on the other side of the road!

I remember the station changing the price as I was swiping my credit card.

Now that is irritating.

So... You Like Cheap Gas?

Eat beans.

The Sit-n-go Scam

The hunt for a cheap gas price is in our nature.  Nobody sane goes to the most expensive place unless they own stock in it.  In that case, I hate you.  How dare you encourage them by paying 30 more cents than me!

Well there used to be a day where the gas prices were easy to decipher but there’s a new trick out there I lovingly refer to as the Sit-n-go Scam.  Yeah, it’s a scam.  Basically their price appears 10 cents cheaper than it really is.  But the thing is you gotta promise to buy a car wash for 10 bucks.

This used to only apply to Sit-n-go’s that actually had car washes… but recently I found one that partnered up with an independent car wash for their scam.

Citgo you’re dead to me.  Viva la Spreeway.
Ciao ‘Corpsters

GNECU is back in session

Welcome to my blog’s 70th post extravaganza!

While I had previously killed this gimmick when I abandoned LiveJournal, I think its high time I resurrect it. You new to the game probably have noticed its never-updated section on my website… its high time the Guentherific College be reopened for all students.

Welcome to Advanced Ethics as part of Relationships.

So I begin my lecture… Anthropology 308- Relationships and Mankind

I’m sure you all have heard personally or heard of the phrase “I’ll never ____ you if you were the last (wo)man on Earth! This blank applys to many things but usually some degree of relationship.

But think about this statement. How many people of the opposite gender aren’t compatible with you? Removing obvious social lines such as wealth and nationality how outrageous this statement is. Think of entering a hypothetical situation… Being that last two people on earth. Yeah its unlike it’ll happen but let’s consider it.

Obviously the whole idea of a soul mate, true love, the “one” is thrown out. I discredit anyone that has any moral fibre in their body. Sure its fun to think prince charming or that knight in shining armor is out there to sweep you off your feet. Maybe you’re a guy and wondering about that maiden fair on the balcony. Whatever. The probably of finding this one “the one” is impossible. Serious relationships are in all reality the right person coming along at the right time. Now sure that’s not very romantic, but who cares. This really isn’t meant for people already in relationships. (Effectively dividing my audience in two.)

How many of the people in your age group can you have a happy relationship for the rest of your life? Easily one-half to one-third when you commit to the relationship. Sure religion and moral fibre are important, narrowing this number significantly.

So the next time someone says they won’t date you if you were the last person on earth, laugh. They’ll die lonely waiting for the guy that’ll never show.

Ciao ‘Corpsters

Real Life Simpsons Intro

YouTube - Real Life Simpsons Intro

Wow... just had to repost this... Dave Berry is an expert websurfer...

Martha At Large

Is it just me or is Martha Stewart more so profiteering after being released from jail?  After being on her own version of the Apprentice, she now has her products sold at Menards and Walter E Smithe.  But I guess that makes up for the fact K-Mart is outta business or close enough to it.

Well, that’s all I have for today.
Ciao ‘Corpsters

What's Wrong with America

The Town of Allopath

Breath in the truth.

Melancholy News Everyone!

Well if you haven't noticed already a few changes have been made.

First the abnoxiously long name for my blog is now gone. It is now "habeas guenthercorpus" which of course is based on the law term habeas corpus.

I also changed my name from T3h W3bm@57a to guenther. Obvious reasons, and the fact I'm getting bored of 1337speak.

Ratings for the NBC converage of the Olympics were less than they expected which is great news for us lesser sport astute.

I've also taken on two colleagues to help add even more variety to this kaleidoscope of random subjects and tones that I provide whenever the muses inspire me.

I will also blog like this more often. The inclusion of interesting links based on either random words I find cool, random terminology I expect you to know, or news articles that prove I'm right (which most the time I am).

So enjoy the changes! If not pretend you do!
Caio 'Corpsters

Dumb smart people are hilarious!

ABC News: Renowned Doctor Duped in Internet Scam